Who do not want to be in a house surrounded by yards of greenery? You would have kitchen garden that would serve the purpose of your daily little needs. You would have some hens, some cocks, some sheep, and some horses to take care of and keep yourself engaged during the lazy time of the day after finishing your daily household chores. Its only peace and serenity around you and you sleep at night at the lap of Mother Nature and wake up early in morning in that secured lap of Mother Nature and under the warm sunshine with new hope and new strength. To top it on all this you would have a loving and caring life partner and stay happily ever after. Sounds so calm and peaceful right? But standing at the doorstep of 30, I do have a loving and caring life partner I agree but I don’t think the other fantasies would ever come true for me. They were a dream to me, they will be a dream to me. This dream has come to me when I was a child and it will go with me when I leave this world. Sometimes my love asks me “I am sorry that I couldn’t give you all this. But when you know that this is not going to become our reality why don’t you forget this dream?” He thinks that I am in pain of not getting all this. I replied, “This is a dream. Dreams always don’t come true. That doesnot mean that I will stop dreaming. When I am not in a good mood or I am in a very good mood, I close my eyes. What I see? I see that outstretched yards of greenery and our own sweet wooden house and to fill in the house I have You, Me our Child and some cattle. All smiling faces. Me humming a country love song and feeding the cattle with my child jumping around. You waving goodbye and going to work. Then you come back home. Have a simple delicious dinner waiting for you in the dining table. You get warm hugs and kisses from me and your child. And at the end of the day we read stories to our child and go to bed. Tell me now doesn’t hearing this only bring peace and happiness and serenity in your heart, soul and mind? I feel the same joy and happiness from this dream. I have never imposed on you to get me all this! I will never do such an immature act you know too. In today’s world; smile, happiness, peace, warmth in relationships and family values are bygones. This is my way to behold all these and not let go of them from my life. Still do you ask me to forget such a beautiful dream?” My better half is really a better half I agree, he concurred to my thoughts which made me smile and sense of fulfillment was evident on my face.
I realized that I still have a child surviving within me. I really don’t want to kill that child in me by becoming a fully matured person. I agree I am not totally matured. I am emotional. I don’t think practically. But still I love what I am. I don’t want to change. I want to stay who I am. I cannot stop my age to progress and lead me step by step gradually to the doorstep of heaven or hell. But what I can do is keep the child in me alive? Every single person’s character is made up of good and bad. Some people think, this childish behavior of mine or you may say immaturity, to be foolish. What all matters to me is what I think and then what my parents think and what my life partner thinks. But most important is what I think about myself. I don’t fear death, I don’t fear reptiles, and I don’t fear darkness . In this whole world if I am afraid of anything is that I am afraid of changing myself by murdering the child within me. I am happy who I am and the way I am. I may not have achieved great career, loads of money, world’s best leisure, life without hardships. But what I have achieved is out of this world: that is the honour and respect from people who ever I have come across, people do not forget me easily because of my nature.